Ponies, long distance relationships, writing, asexuality and other queerishness, questioning, adorable significant other, the indescribable sounds you can make when talking to a puppy, teenage mutant ninja
angels turtles, awkward self expression, and tea. If you share any of my interests, please come converse!
Personal random rambling about Maddyfriend and amazingness.
Maddy is the person I want to share my life with. All of my life. Not just a part of it, some specific part that most people only know - not just the part of my life that is happy, or the part that doesn’t know what to do, or the part that is scared, or… not just any part. I want to share all of my life with Maddy because I love them, because they give me things that help me tie all these different parts of my life together, so that it’s easier for me to be *me*.
Maddy helps me be me. That’s something big that they’ve made me feel right from the start, from the first moments back when we started getting to know each other. They made me feel like I was welcome. I have never been as welcome anywhere or to anyone else as I feel I am welcome to Maddy. They give me the amazing and strange sensation of being where I fit well just the way I am comfortable… it’s hard to explain… but it’s big and whole and I don’t understand how it works, how a person can make such a difference - maybe it’s love, because I know I love them and I know they love me, and one thing Maddy has taught me is to take a break in asking “Why?” all the time and just be and feel instead, so I’m not trying to explain things here. Maddy makes it easy and comfortable to be me, simply put. Maddy gives me the feeling that my existence in the world is a welcome and wanted thing. It feels good and different.
Maddy makes good omelettes, and Maddy taught me how to play Cribbage, and Maddy is nice about playing it with me even though I’m not all that good yet. Maddy has helped me learn so many things I can’t count them, and even more importantly, Maddy makes me less scared of learning. Less scared of many things, really, but learning is one of the most important ones, and since learning and the ability to learn gives me all kinds of good things such as hope and courage and pride, and since Maddy is so kind and good about learning, this entire thing is full of goodness.
Maddy is there for me when I need them, even when I need them very much and take a lot of work. They’re there for me even when I’m not good company at all and when all the fun and comfort is very far away.
Maddy believes in things that I wouldn’t think were even possible, and with Maddy’s help, I have seen amazing things happen that I didn’t know how to believe in. And seeing this, and learning this, I have also started to believe in things more bravely - things, including myself. Maddy is the one person who I feel safe to go to with my doubts and fears, trusting that they will not put me down but encourage me and help me find hope. And, Maddy is also the one person who I can show my joy and excitement without the slightest fear of judgement, feeling that they will be happy for my happiness and that they often know how to share it. There is such purity of feeling in the world of Maddy. This way, Maddy gives me the feeling of freshness and honesty, a sensation that I think only can be felt in the absence of fear. And Maddy is the mighty fear vaccuum of my universe.
Maddy is safety.
Maddy is kind, and funny, and smart, and fills my life with kindness and fun and understanding. They have taught me silly things and important things, and even more importantly, they give me such a lovely feeling of acceptance that I start learning things on my own, too, without even trying. Most of the helpful things I know about health, I have learned from Maddy. Most of the good things I know about myself, I have learned from Maddy. They not only make it easier for me to be me, but also give me many feelings that it is *good* to be me.
Maddy has taught me to appreciate things I didn’t appreciate before, about the world and myself and others around me. Maddy has shown me how people are beautiful and how sometimes ice cream makes excellent breakfast. Also, Maddy has taught me to be more honest about the things I don’t want in my life, and by treating me well and with kindness, they have also helped me learn to recognise how I don’t want to be treated, and to stand up for myself when I need to.
All of these are precious things, and having them in my life has made a world of difference. It would’ve taken me an awfully long time to learn even half of these things without Maddy, and some of them I would probably not have learned at all.
Saying things like these is scary, but Maddy is a person who makes me feel safe about it.
Maddy inspires me! Not only to write or to draw - many things inspire me to do those. But Maddy inspires me also to hope, and to speak, and to love, and those are such powerful things it feels like they are pouring new energy and health into me.
To be continued.